clark|pharm: A Mash Up - And A Shot or Two For The 'Rents

Hi Dad. Your kids are weird. Wilberforce says "hi". That's his "hi" face.

No, not his "high" face. I know this is Colorado, but we don't dabble in drugs...legalized or not.

Except when we're working, of course.

Wait, what?

So Wilberforce has the tiniest noggin of any human adult I know. And he still had to cut the neck of that Wyoming sweatshirt off in order to fit it over his head.

Me thinks the makers of that sweatshirt failed to try it on before production, eh?

Good story: I like to eat strawberry preserves out of the jar with a spoon. Its my house, I do what I want. So one night I snuck a spoonful, put the jar back in the fridge, and went about my merry cleaning up of the kitchen. Twenty minutes later STOP! I noticed a gigantic blob of something on the kitchen floor. Wiped it up with a paper towel - it was gooey blooood.

GAH. I must have gashed a life-threatening hole into my body with a kitchen utensil while unloading the dishwasher and not noticed it. The blob was gooey - it was probably visceral matter. Death was likely.

I did a quick once-over of my person, paused and thought about whether or not I was experiencing pain anywhere, and decided I most likely wasn't dying. But if not blood, what was the goo?

I tasted it, because one should always put unknown substances in one's mouth when determining what unknown substance might be. Strawberry preserves. I should've known. I couldn't decide how the mess ended up in a perfect little blob ten feet away from the fridge where the preserve-eating took place, but whatever.

Life is weird like that.

I cleaned up the mess, made my bedtime zeggs and took them upstairs to eat in bed.

If they weren't supposed to be eaten in bed, they wouldn't be called bedtime zeggs now, would they? Don't judge me.

My zeggs were delicious and quite enjoyable. Until I felt goo on my hand. And on the outside of the zegg bowl. And on the back of my hand. What is going on here!!?!?! What kind of cruel joke is someone playing on me and why are these strawberry preserves haunting me!???!

It wasn't until I went to take off my sweatshirt and crawl under the covers that I discovered the culprit. A stain of preserves on the "o" in "Wyoming". Whoops. Oh, and a few stains on the sleeves. And the cuffs.

I can't lie. The whole damn sweatshirt was covered in strawberry preserve smears. I looked like I had been in a food fight with a 6 year old. Or maybe I looked like I was a 6 year old that just annihilated a PB & J sammich.

It all made sense. An unfortunate blob of preserves landed on my sweatshirt, hung on for dear life until I made it across the kitchen, then plopped on the floor. Throughout the rest of the night I unknowingly smeared the remains all over myself.

I am awesome.

And I still haven't washed that sweatshirt. I hear stains are easier to remove when they've soaked in nicely for a week or so.

The end.

You're welcome.

I took staff photographs for a pharmacy staff of a new store opening up this week. The manager thanked me with a $100 gift card for our favorite sushi restaurant.

We feasted. I heart sashimi.

Cinnamon Pear Zeggs with Peanut Butter Quest Bar Bits. Yes. This was good.

Bedtime Zeggs!

Roasted Kabocha Squash, Cocoa Pumpkin Fluff, and a Baked Cookie Dough Quest Bar to top it off. I don't have words to explain this.

Pretty much the same as the previous picture, on drugs. This is kabocha squash, this is kabocha squash on drugs. Yep.

Veggie Taco Salad. Fiesta!

Pan Sauteed Veggies and Salmon Power Bowl. Yumm-o.

Tuna, Zucchini, Quinoa Flour Burgers with Eggplant Buns.

Guess the yolks on you.

I posted that as the caption on instagram and people actually thought it was funny. There are people out there who share my sense of humor.

That is scary.