Tucson: Spring Break for Old Folks

In Iowa, winter is winter.  It snows in October or November and the snow is there until March.  The sky is dark and gross and depressing alllllll winter.  That's it.  That's the way winter works in Iowa.

Not in Colorado.  In Colorado, winter is bearable.  It snows a bunch in one day, melts the next, and we've got a beautiful December day the next.  Repeat cycle throughout the winter months.  Ahhh, reason number 2,235 living in Colorado rocks my face off.

Until this year.  It snowed in Colorado.  And.  Never.  Left.  I didn't see the sun for days at a time.  What the heck?  If I'm gonna pay this ridiculous cost of living in Colorado (hellooooo outrageous home prices??) I want my Colorado winter!

The end of February marked the threshold - this winter was too much for the Clarks.  We got the heck outta dodge.

Oh hey Tucson, what's up?

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We had a week of vacation coming up in March, so we looked for vacation rentals in Siesta Key, Florida.  

Nothing.  Nada.  Those stupid Spring Break-ers had rented everything. Stupid college kids.  

Did you know that there is a certain number of years a person has to have existed on God's green earth to have a chance of being bearable, in my opinion.  Not everyone over that age is guaranteed not to make me homicidal, but everyone under that age is definitely on my list of folks who should have been chained to a pipe on the bottom level of Titanic next to Leonardo Dicaprio.  I've decided that the older I get, the higher that number requirement gets.  As it is now, it's hovering around 25 years.  

Stupid college kids. 

We realized Siesta Key was not happening.  But where should we go?  We discussed possible destinations while we sat in our living room, watching golf.  

Golf.  The golf tourney we were watching was being played in Tucson.  Tucson looks like a nice place.  Wanna go to Tucson?  Oh look, there's a perfect little condo with a perfect pool and perfect palm trees and a perfect price.  Let's book it.  Perfect.  

We flew into Tucson, headed out to the Enterprise rental stand and saw a shiny new red Mustang convertible.  

Always, always, always joke with the Enterprise dudes about the shiny new convertible being yours.  They just might give you a helluva deal on an upgrade from your economy rental you had booked.  

And you might drive your high school dream car around Tucson for a week.  After you take the tags and stickers off everything because it has a whole two miles on the odometer and is brand new.  You just never know. 

Wilberforce and I had never been to Tucson.  We didn't really have a plan for the trip, other than a 5k we signed up for and enjoying the snowless weather.  I found a hiking path online that was only open from 5:30pm to 7:30am - the directions to the trailhead were sketchy.  The possibility of the trail being closed to hikers was floating around reviews I read.  I wasn't sure where we were going, or if it would even be open to hikers when we got there, but I drug Wilberforce out of bed at 4:15am our first morning in Tucson.  We hopped in Sally (our Mustang convertible, if you're just tuning in) and drove through a dark Tucson to a mountain that may or may not be where we thought it was, to a hike that may or may not be open.

I tried to be confident I knew what we were doing.  At 4:30am, driving around in a dark hospital parking lot, I wasn't so confident.  I was just hoping I could remember how to get back to our condo since this little adventure was so obviously becoming pointless.

We practically ran over two hikers emerging from a path onto the backroad we had wandered onto.  That looks like a trail.  Do you think that's the trail?  Let's park and see.  This could be a trail.  I think this is a mountain?

We hiked up the path, passing hikers coming down the mountain, passing slower hikers going up the mountain.  The hike was classified as "easy" on a lot of the hiking sites I had read the night before.

Liars.

For a good part of the 1.5 mile hike up the mountain, the grade was at least 20%.  And I know this because I frequently do incline intervals on treadmills at 15%...and I felt like I was going to pass out, die, and roll down the mountain during this hike.  We had to stop twice so Wilberforce could lie down and stretch out his calves.

Holy Hill.

We got to the top in the dark.  Behold.  Tucson before sunrise.  

By the way, we didn't bring flashlights.  There was enough light from the moon that we could see where the path was; I was pretty certain I would be able to see a snake piled on the path, and pretty certain it was chilly enough that they wouldn't be moving too fast.  We're super safe hikers, obviously.

We hung out at the summit for a little bit, taking pictures and admiring the cactuses.  Cacti.  Cactuses.  Cactus Forest.  ????

Sunrise is pretty. 

Did I mention Wilberforce also lugged a backpack full of water bottles and my ten pound camera up the mountain?  I offered to carry it part way, but he said no.

Thank God, cause I would've died. 

The hike we did was Tumamoc Hill - it's part of a research site for the University of Arizona.  FYI. 

Aren't those cactuses crazy?  I've never seen such a thing.

I have more pictures from our trip on my big camera - I'll post them eventually.  These are all iPhone pics of mine.

We hiked back down, which was more painful for me than the hike up.  Cardiovascularly speaking, going down a steep hike is easier, but my legs HURT from the trek down.  Ah well.

We got back to the condo, worked out at the condo fitness center, laid by the pool, then made squash cakes.   We ate them on our balcony which overlooked the pool and palm trees.  Meanwhile, back in Colorado, it was snowing.

Suckers. 

We drove up Mt Lemmon, which is the southern most ski destination in the States.  Fun fact.  We stopped at the top at a little cafe for wings and beer. 

It was 80 degrees in Tucson and 48 degrees at the top of Mt Lemmon.  Brr cold.

Another day we drove out to Sabino Canyon to hike to Seven Falls.  We took a shuttle to the trail head from the guest center.  

Those cactuses again!  They were nuts.

And yes, I hiked with the Fresh Prince of BelAir.  He was shading that side of his face from the sun while we hiked through the canyon.  

You can see Seven Falls in the background a little bit!  Just across the canyon.  Two and a half miles in, two and half miles out.  Hot miles.  No snakes.  Lots of lizards.  

Oh look!  A photobomb in a selfie of being photographed by the photobomber.  Wrap your mind around that one.  Go ahead.  I'll wait. 

I didn't take the time to count all the waterfalls, but if I had to guess, I'd say there were probably seven of them. 

We're pretty certain our trip wouldn't have been quite as awesome if we hadn't had Sally to cruise around in.  We'd also have left Tucson less tan.  I wore my hair the same way every day because driving with the top down limits hair options...and I ended up with a nice sun burnt scalp to show for it.  

Convertible problems.


We went to the Desert Museum 15 miles outside of town.  Tucson is in the middle of a desert.   Deserts tend to be dry.  Rain is scarce.

Unless you've got the Lenz Luck hanging around.  If you've got Lenz Luck, it will rain while you're at the outdoor desert museum.  

Rain in the desert.  People were taking pictures of it.  People were surprised the rain was actually hitting the ground.  I was not a happy camper.  Everyone else was.

So we went and ate at the fancy schmancy restaurant at the Museum while it rained.

Stupid rain in the desert.  On my list of dislikes right next to college kids.


When we booked our trip, we googled things to do in Tucson and found out there was going to be a "Running with the Irish 5k" the Saturday of our trip.  So naturally, I signed us up.  Who doesn't enjoy running a quick three mile race on vacation?

Answer: those who do not run frequently.  Wilberforce is one of those.  

But he acted excited.  We got matching tshirts.  We ran two miles of the race on the wrong side of each other - our arrows pointed to strangers next to us, not each other.

We is smart. 

Only two miles, because when we crossed the two mile mark, I checked my watch and decided I had had enough of this comfy pace.  I sped up, passed a couple handfuls of people, and waited for Wilberforce at the finish line.

I only had to wait like thirty-some seconds...a mile isn't that much time to get too far ahead of someone.

The first 100 finishers got a free St Patty's Day tumbler glass - we both got one!  Yeehaw.  Then we went to our most favorite Tucson gym.  Power and Physique.  It's like Fitness Ave on crack.  Or steroids.  Cause it's a gym...get it?  

We spent a lot of time at Power and Physique...cause that's what we like to do and when on vacation, do what you wanna do! 

They had every machine you could ever want to use, I'm pretty sure.  My favorite was this hack squat machine - I liked it so much I did 135 squats on it during my leg day.  Ouch.


Our last day in town was a full day - our flight wasn't supposed to leave until 7:30pm.  It ended up being delayed hours but we survived.

This was my last squash cake in our condo.  It was as tasty as the first. 

We checked out of the condo around 1pm, so we had the whole afternoon to wander around downtown Tucson.

We ate lunch at a restaurant called proper.  The food was yummy.  And there was a sweet coffee shop across the street. 

So we ended lunch with coffee and a homemade cashew coconut bar. 

See that old dude in the green chair?  He was listening to a cassette player.  

You know, after 8 tracks but before CDs?  Cassettes.  He's retro.  I have a feeling he was listening to a cassette player because he's old, not because he's retro cool.

However, serving iced coffee in mason jars?  Cool.  Old.  Retro.  Cool.


Our last cruise in Sally.  She'll be missed. 

All in all, Tucson was awesome.  The perfect break from Colorado craptastic winter!